Me and my boys...
This week, I got asked "THE QUESTION". The big one. The one I hate being asked because it forces me to confront something I hate thinking about. It started with me heading over to our neighbors house with some eggs last week. I have a favorite set of neighbors here, just down the way from my front door. They were the first to come welcome us when we moved in and two weeks later, when Baby Brooke was born, they brought food, and bread, and they are often doing those wonderful kindnesses that the neighbors I grew up with always did.
The wife is a counselor and her husband a veterinarian, who has taught me things like how to help your dog get through delivering her first set of puppies and other wonderful animal medicine nuggets of wisdom. They raised 5 boys and love our big family. We visit each other face to face often and those visits always remind me how the art of hospitality is best when it includes in person visits.
They always inquire about our kids and our animals and it is always a nice visit. They are genuinely loving, kind people. So I wasn't surprised when they asked me...
"So, what is your long term plan for the boys?" and I don't think they were surprised at all by my answer, which was
"Keep them home with us and take care of them until we are too old and feeble to do so".
It's the only question I get about the boys that still makes me teary. Even as I write this, I feel my eyes getting a bit misty.
The answer I gave them is what we will do. Mr. Darcy and I have agreed upon it and both want it this way. But there is more to it than that. Then what? The boys should easily outlive us by 30 plus years. I used to really hurt when I would allow myself to think on it. My Sean gets concerned when "mama" is just at the grocery store, let alone on a trip. How will they understand? I have learned to allow my FAITH to battle my FEAR on this point. I added religion to the boys school subjects a few years ago. It is simplified for them and I try to teach them to their level of understanding that there is a God and he loves them. I have to trust that God will, you know, do the rest and help them to have understanding, in their own way, when I am no longer here to be the one to read the stories, cook their meals, or look after them.
It is, for me the hardest part of being a parent of a child with special needs.
All the other stuff is merely inconveniences to this. In fact, it is on this point that I know that my heart would not survive being a special needs parent were it not for my faith. The thought of being with the boys in Heaven and having real conversations, especially with my Timothy, who this year at age 11 began to say words, makes me misty for a whole different reason.
Now, as a parent of a special needs child, what do we need to have in place for our children regarding our plan for them for when we are no longer here?... that is coming up in part two.
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